Lines to Live By as Inspired by Nike's Just Do it! Campaign

If you don't know, ask.

If you want to know about something, do not hesitate to ask the right the person.

Most people are inherently good and you will always find someone who might be willing to help.

Have a goal and find ways! Sometimes, there's more than one way to get there. You only need to find which way will work for you to get to the goal. It's just like navigating the road. Just make sure you know where you're going in the first place.

It's okay to be different or to be seen as weird as long as you are not stepping on someone's toes.

Always have sincere and good intention and the world will push back the same to you.

If there's something that you want to do or accomplish (something good) that may seem impossible, just try it with your best effort. At least, you can look back to it and not regret that you didn't even try.

Just do it so you won't regret for not trying at all especially if that something can make you a better person.

That is my current mindset. Just try to do it!

Life After Kids

36. 14. 

As I sit here in front of my trusty laptop, I reflect on these numbers. I am just half-way in the child-rearing journey and as I see my teen approach the bigger number of life, I just can't help but to equally look at my own numbers.

My life in numbers: 14, 20, 21, 22, 36. 5. I have a 14-year-old son, graduated from uni at 19, married at 20, had a kid at 22, and now at 36 years old, I am still at loss at what I want to do. Five. Five years at which my life was put on hold for the citizenship that I had zeroed in to acquire more than 5 years ago.

I had a job, I still do but it's a freelance job that is unstable as far as it can be. No work, no pay but I have the freedom to make my own schedule. I had not been very keen on the super stable job that my parents had groomed me from the beginning since both of them had worked in the government and they are now reaping their loyalty and dedication in their retirement years along with most people in their generation who sucked it up and went to work for an 8-5 job regardless of the pretty limited pay.

My parents are still hoping that I get my act together and join the government job but with extra citizenship, I don't think that is still possible under the law. The only possible field for me is private: freelance, employed and self-employed in a business. The best combination is being employed but at the same time running a business. That is one rule of life that I have seen worked pretty well. But of course, there's still the just do the business but that is riskier. 

So until I get that citizenship card, I will have to figure out what I can do with the remaining more-than-half of my life, one of which is to be able to get my son on a good footing better than how I had been despite my college education. I know I still got time, resources and a lot of ideas that I just have to really zero in. I got 12 days then I'm done and ready for the next life task! I know there is a higher Being who knows the proper timing for me that will yield better numbers.

Blog Overhaul

Here I go again with an idea to try polishing this blog.
It isn't just a place to dumb my brain anymore. It has become an outlet with added purpose. I noticed that I had been baking quite a bit and every adventure and misadventure somehow makes it here that I had to clear up my notes somehow.

Scrolling down to the previous entries under the baking label made me look back on what I've tried to bake and all the editing failures I made. *shameful grin. You see, I hardly edit my post before since it's not meant for other people's eyes usually or I just wanted to dump my words somewhere. (Oops! I'm using that word a bit too often.) I might do a quick once over after I've written it but it's different if you left it for a while and return to it with a fresher eye.

Now, there's some parallelism between writing and baking, especially yeast bread. You have to leave for a while and come back to get better results. Of course, there are specific durations on when you should revisit your written output and rework your dough but the idea is there.

Another one is, of course, they both needs my fingers. Even with the latest voice-to-text technological advancement, I still get more satisfaction in typing or handwriting. It can be more of a personal or psychological thing but I've tried the google text feature and it didn't match my needs just yet. I tried dictation but the text output was not that perfect and it's easy to lose my train of thoughts as speak and check what is being transcribed on the document. No wonder transcriptionist jobs still exist. This also made me realize why I was never a fan of tablet computers. There are no keyboards to feel, touch and find every letter as to let my mind wander on what my next word will be.  This is why I sometimes miss some words when my fingers cannot catch up with the thoughts in my brain. Isn't the brain just an amazing thing?

Which reminds me that I should really get back to studying or starting another batch of bread. But here I am still pecking away on my keyboard.  Another one on my to-do list in the near future is to get on that category list. Adios for now..until the next irresistible urge.

Daily Dose of Motivation

What are the advantages of acquiring a Korean nationality?

If you already have a non-Asian (Western) citizenship, there's really not much to benefit from acquiring a Korean one at first glance. This is especially if you are a young male and physically able to serve in the army. I am neither of those.

More than ten years ago, acquiring citizenship was a bit more lax but I wasn't really that keen on changing mine. Korea doesn't allow dual citizenship at that time and I didn't think I was ready to give up mine to have a new one. First, my Korean language was dismal, to say the least. How can even think of acquiring the citizenship of this country when I can hardly speak their language, understand the culture and how their government system works? Just because I married a Korean? That is not logical at all.

I was working even when I was pregnant up until I gave birth with just a month or so break and learning the language or acquiring citizenship was not really my priority. My husband had no regular job so I had to work and raise a kid.

Fast forward to 14 years now, my son is almost grown up (I'm pretty sure he'll like this part^^) and my husband has a regular job at least for the next couple of years, I am now in a better place to learn and really understand what and how it is to be a Korean citizen.

The naturalization process has gotten a bit more complicated but I believe it's all for the good of the nation in the long run. There are more institutionalized programs for people who want to get Korean citizenship specifically for married immigrants like me or even just permanent residency for some. Besides, the government now allows dual citizenship so that is a plus for me. I get to have another nationality and I have a better understanding of the country now and what role I can play besides being a wife to a Korean and a mom to one.

Different folks, different strokes. I did not sign up for this just because of that. I want to understand how this country works. Acquiring Korean citizenship is not just an additional passport. It legitimizes one's existence in a country where one can figure out what role he can play for the common good.

Let's move on from the ideals get down to the practicality of it. Why am I going to acquire that citizenship? What are the advantages and disadvantages of a non-Korean living here?

Let me just count the ways that I have come across the idea that having citizenship would have made things easier.

1. Getting those documents from the automated machine. Only citizens, 19-year-old and above, can use those machines. I'm pretty sure there can be a technical way to allow registered expats for such but it's exclusively for the legit Koreans this time.

2. Additional medical and other documents especially when applying for a teaching job. There is a drug test required with the assumption that foreigners would have more likely been exposed to such. I believe it stemmed from some previous misdemeanors that came to light a few years ago. Aside from that, other documents will need to be sourced from one's home country: criminal and educational records, etc.

3. Signing up to certain websites, financial products (i.e. loans, mutual funds, digital currencies, anyone?), and other services that are non-foreigner friendly. This thing just comes up every now and then in my five years of living here. Not only that there is a language wall to scale, but there are also times when there is another wall to break --- citizenship.

4. Government social programs (education, health care, pensions) -  I am not very big on this since I am married to a Korean national and has access to the national health insurance but I am very sure about the pension system. It's common knowledge that Korea has an aging population and this doesn't spell rosy future for everyone concerned with pensions. That's something that I have to research some more.

5. Unrestricted residency. No need to report to the immigration office that you moved but you can do so at the nearest jumincenter if you are a citizen. Although that is not really such a big deal for me. I generally like the rules but it's just pretty inconvenient for non-citizens like me.

6. Political rights. No one can question if you want to join the candlelight protest or any street protest that fancies you. :D Well, what I'm actually saying is that I can vote for the president. Not that I don't like the current government. On the contrary, I would have liked to have been to able to cast my vote during the last presidential election.

That's about it,for now, to motivate me to hit the books and do well on this upcoming interview.

Three Hours!

More than 3 hours had passed but I still can't focus on studying. I got a lot of distractions. How can I get on like this?

I got my topic list waiting for me but I also got my baking list among other things in my mind. Interests and ideas of things that I should like to write about or do in my other life: 😄 in a life where I don't have to study for that freaking citizenship interview and just show up there to chat and let them just hand me that jumin card.

Let me get to the list of my "other life" for now.

• write my blog about figuring out Korean gov't sites for document retrievals etc.
• find out how to really make my indoor gardening better and not just throw it out and give up
• connect my fb group to some pips
• get some baking done with stuff from my freezer
• research financial investments here and in my home country
• create an info site for expat parents about raising kids here
• volunteer at the nursing home regularly
• get my hands on some real estate

Unfortunately, everything should be on hold now until 16 days later. Not anything more, I pray. 

The Dream

We just moved into a four-bedroom house by the stream and every room has a bed. It has a kitchen and dining room even both are a bit cramped. The windows and curtains are all remote controlled.

There were three doors to get in the house. One is the main door that opens up to a narrow hallway leading to all the parts of the house: two regular rooms on the left, kitchen and dining on the right, and two other bedrooms at the end. The two other bedrooms each had extra doors that open outside. One is a bit smaller and cramped with a queen-sized bed while the other one was more spacious and has more windows. You will find a small garden as you step out from the door of the smaller room. The other door of the bigger room opens right outside on a not-so-busy street along a stream.

The stream is clean. A father and his son are trying to catch fish on the other side of the steam. One thing that seems to ruin this idyllic atmosphere/picture is the train station located a little above the stream on the other side. There people roaming about as the train has just made a short stop at that time. It isn't as busy most of the time.

We were just getting settled and discovering our new home when we got people knocking at the doors. The first two were asking if we have room for rent which we simply replied with a negative. But when the third caller appeared, we were put on the spot and finally considered to take in a renter. My husband was quite surprised as he gave out a price for the bigger room that I felt was better fit for the smaller one.

The possible tenant was a widowed old lady who still has a family but would like to live alone. Her family were the ones who came looking for a place for her. Their idea is that she can live by herself but would still have people nearby for company. She has her own room and her own front door but the food will be shared so as not to bother her much with running a full kitchen. The whole set up seems perfect for her and for us so the family insisted on putting down the advance payments right then and there. This was an opportunity us all.

After they left, I asked my husband, "wait, are we even allowed to sublet this place?"

Fortunately, he answered on the affirmative but this was after I woke up from my afternoon nap. 

Financial Literacy Level

Let's be honest here. I am just like any other girl who is not susceptible to the instant gratification after shopping. It may be a small thing or a big ticket item. I do like being able to buy what I want or need. That is the reality of being human.

At my age, I should already have mastered the financial skills needed to survive in this "buy me" world. My pitfalls: I don't have a regular job. I can't keep an expenses list regularly. I am a bit easy to bend to some temptations. But what I can say is that I got some principles and ideas on finances, even though it's a bit scattered.

Here are things that I learned from my father, a retired skilled government employee, who kept his job for more than 30 years. He hardly took vacations at all, sent 3 people to university for that diploma that evaded him decades ago partly because his parents cannot afford to send him to school, took on parttime jobs and unending loans. People of their generation are made of sterner stuff than millennials of today. He might not have to school, read tons of financial books, and earned a big salary but he has some wisdom when it comes to basic finances.

First, live within your means. If you cannot afford something, try to do without it or make it yourselves like simple toys for kids and stuff like that. People existed without a lot of things before and so can you.

Second, if you're are going to borrow money, make sure that you pay it back on time and it will be used for something that will also create money in the long run and not just to satisfy a fleeting want.

And beware of banks. Getting your money is their business. Unless you are confident that you can outwit them or at least get even, never take out a loan that you might have trouble paying back. Better go with the loan sharks! Kidding!

Third, take advantage of government insurances and other programs backed by the government. These would usually provide a safety net for the employed and even tax breaks.

Fourth, if you're employed, find other legal ways to earn that will not necessarily interfere or cause a conflict of interest to your current job.

Fifth, work, work, work. BUT never forget the sixth ----

Have faith!

State of Mind

What do little kids and elderlies have in common? 

I am not sad. It just feels like I have my heart bare-open with issues and possibilities that can make my life's existence more meaningful. Don't get me wrong as I have my immediate family that includes my parents who are generally good health, brother, husband, and our son.

There are still a lot of things that I want to try and do. Some fleeting, some deeply rooted. I am most happy with working with people in need especially those starting and living almost at the end of their lives. I am usually drawn to these age groups.

On the other hand, I also enjoy writing. I would like to write about children and old people. I am daydreaming of writing books about growing up in a multicultural society, about caring for the elderlies, about bringing different views on the table that people can find the courage to talk about it and at the same time improve the lives of those in vulnerable situations. Some works might be heavy but I would like it to be light but thought-provoking.

I may try to browse big books for the elderlies. How are they different from regular adult books? What topics do these books cover? If I were to put myself in a senior person's shoes, what would I find interesting? What would help me ease the inconveniences of living with old age?

Korea's Multiculturalism Policy

"The daily feedback she gets from the women converges into one message: none of these programs actually improve our lives in a meaningful way."

This is from an article in Korea Times about Korea's multiculturalism policy based from a Vietnamese married immigrant translator.

Keeping the marriages intact. Pointless.
"comes naturally as long as your way of thinking aligns with your partner."
I beg to disagree. It won't come naturally because of cultural differences. It will take hard work and education for some to be able to come to terms on that.

"And the situation is worse for older couples in their 20th year of marriage or more — around the time when Korean husbands become too old to work."

This is a sad reality for us as well. All because of following my heart.

I have to stop here or I will spiral into another round of depression.

The Plus and Minus in Our Life

I often wondered why is it that a baby comes into a family and someone passes away. I know, there are coincidences and it doesn't happen that way all the time but I always had this slight feeling at the back of my mind that I wouldn't want to bring about a death in the family because of a baby. Absurd, illogical and crazy. Yes. I am totally consciously abandoning that ridiculous idea.

But on the other hand, I just realized today that birth does equate a passing of a loved one. Not totally of course, but it does make us fill in the vacuum of losing someone.  Somehow, it gives us a way to make our grieving less painful. It helps us cope with losing someone dear.

These past two years had been really heart-breaking for my father's side of the family. My father has 2 older sisters and 1 younger sister. Except for the oldest one, all of them live in our hometown. Their relationships had not been perfect all these years with occasional feuds and mishaps but they still manage to pull through together somehow.  After all, family is family with a good sense of value. He is closest to the second older sister and us kids/cousins had grown up with our aunts and uncles around, especially the ones who live near. But now...it's just so sad to think about it.

Last year, the youngest sister's husband was the first one who passed away due to cancer in the internal organ. A few months later, his wife got hit by a vehicle and died. They have a daughter who was married but separated and childless. I hope she finds happiness again in the future; be it a husband, a child, a profession, a calling, --- a place.

October this year, the second older passed away after battling with her kidney. She had been doing dialysis since last January, about the time that I and my son went back to my hometown for a visit. I knew that I might not see her anytime soon again. She was my favorite aunt and it breaks my heart to see her health go just like that. Still, she was not an easy patient to deal with. That will be one pun.

After she died, her husband passed away silently on his chair one early morning. He did have his own health battles to deal with for years already but he was tough. He smoked, he drank and ate anything but vegetables. He still outlived his wife even if only for a few weeks.

Fortunately, I was able to spend some time with them early this year. It is at this point when they are old, unhealthy and needs caregivers that it's just human nature to show them back that we care. Sadly, that is not the usual case for other developed countries anymore.

I had the chance to be with my aunt at the hospital, visit them at home, assist my uncle put meds on his eyes, massage to my aunt's swollen legs, at least be there even for the short time that we were in town.

My uncle will be buried tomorrow, leaving my cousin behind who had already buried her one and only younger brother years ago, and her mom just a few weeks ago. She must have a very strong heart for God to have given here these cards.

How many times I would find tears flowing freely these following days, weeks and months..I don't know. Fall and winter had left me with a sad note this year. I just pray that I will get through this winter with a stronger heart and a hopeful view for the next spring season.

There is a reason why one of my favorite verse is  Eccl. 3:1-8 and a song that I can loop play is Vivaldi's Four Seasons. 

credits to https://jrbpublications.com for the above photo 

Pictures, Videos and Storage Problems

Why do we have to keep photographs, videos, and all these things?

The need to document our lives? Totally a new addition to Maslow's hierarchy of needs? Why?

I try to reason with myself. I really don't take a lot of photos like most people nowadays but my storage still gets full ALL THE TIME. Things that I take photos of: sceneries, moments, interesting random things, practical infos, short-term reference photos like when snapping a shot is faster than writing it down. It is just endless especially with digital technology nowadays. I almost want to go back to the pre-photography period when someone has to sketch or write things in order keep this in memory. Just for a second.

Marriage. Why do you stay?

Some couple stays together because of kids.
Some couple doesn't stay together because of kids
While some couple stays together even if they don't have kids,
Some couple doesn't stay together because they can't have kids. 

That's the reality of married life that involves offsprings.
The attraction, emotion and all that has been invested in a relationship
can dry out or even die.
Marriage can even be dissolved now. With or without kids.
Sometimes, it's better to just have kids and not be married.
Or better yet, don't even think about getting married at all.
Live alone. Die alone. Or adopt. Or just adapt to the changing times.

(The above thoughts came about after a chat with other women to Korean men. ^^)

Half Documents In

Today is an interesting day even though it started on a chaotic morning. I had the chance to go to Cheonan and also drop off the other documents I needed to submit to my possible new workplace.

Now here is the exciting part for me; I was able to finally find a parking space at the library and had enough time to explore the place. Why is a library always a happy place for me? It's always an exciting feeling whenever I find a new one and it's like a wonderland. I checked out the library near the place from third to first floor and ending up in the English books section.

I was in a good mood as I head back to the car after submitting the documents. I noticed the special plant and I just have to capture the moment. It's the kind of plant that I would see in paintings or some fake-looking flower arrangement. I never realized that it can actually exist in a real setting although one would hardly notice it's beauty.

The weather has been sunny but chilly lately. It's really autumn now.

posted from Bloggeroid

Pensieve on a Cloudy Day

This week after the Chuseok holiday had been pretty full of positive developments. The stuff that I had submitted before the holidays had yielded some callbacks and plus extra. I will have to brace myself for some needed power by next month.

There is a fulltime job waiting, and a couple of parttime ones. All are opportunities that I wanted to do not just for the money but for the idea itself. The first one is an academy job which is a first time for me so this should be interesting. Well, come to think of it, everything is a first, of sorts. I have finally found an academy who is willing to take me on with a Korean pay scale that is.

I remember I once went to another interview but the owner and I weren't on the same page. He asked for my usual rate even already after the interview while I was pulling out of the parking space. I guess he was a bit shocked when I hesitantly gave the figure. I wasn't really keen on an academy job at that time or any solid job I guess.

Going back to the latest one...I always get sidetracked when writing or doing something. I've called a few ones myself but they all either didn't understand or believe me. Well, there was one that said they already hired one, another one flatly refused me because they were looking for a Korean English teacher, not a foreigner. This one, I asked a Korean friend to call and inquire. I think that made a big difference. She got someone who was willing to call me back to schedule an interview and she speaks almost perfect English. I came to the interview, met her and the non-English speaking but cool-looking owner. They mentioned that they didn't expect a foreigner will pick up their ad. Now, let's see how this one will work out. I know it might be a challenging start but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I also signed up for something that was pretty unusual, a blogger/reporter. I will have the chance to check out something, write about it and get a bit of pocket money or at least cover the gas fee. I only need to write one entry a month, attend a meeting at least once and do the actual trip. From my husband's monetary point of view, it's not really worth it. But if I can be smart about it, I might still get enough.

Then there's another gig..which is a short period but will definitely need a lot of prep work. I do have the freedom to do what I want and monetary-wise is good. This my chance...an almost-there dream gig. I will put my efforts into this and hopefully, it will yield to better prospects in the future.

That is the game plan for this month. Prep for this, prep the food supply (hello Traders), and get healthy. I will need extra powers for the full time hours I will have soon.

"There are times when I feel like giving up 
and there's nothing that I can do, 
but I know I can get through
because there's Someone looking out for me." 

~~~~
Extra. My mom asked me when I plan to go back. She tells me that in order to qualify to a government pension as a government employee, I should be in the workforce as early 40s. Thanks for the reminder, I tell her. But if I acquire a different nationality, I don't think I can get into government employment in my country. Husband says, if I had really wanted that, I could have done that when we lived there. I really don't. He tells me something that I already know. I am a free spirit which may possibly work out for me (or not) in the long run. Nobody knows. I know there will always be something for me to do, which will satisfy me emotionally, spiritually, psychologically and financially. I'll have more than enough and still be able to do things and still be able to extend my time and resources for others.  #positive#vibes

The SDA and EGW

Weekends make me ponder on spirituality. The church that I grew up in has it's flaws and has been branded as a cult in some places. This I learned later on when I was in my late teens. Growing up, it has all the good things that a decent person can live and grow up into. The rest day, the food, the healthy lifestyle were all good. Around mid-teens when I started to become more active in the church, joining evangelical programs and youth camps. Yet, it is also at this point that I stumbled and really question the inner workings of the church.

"A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing." or originally "A little learning can be a dangerous thing" ...(Alexander Pope, British poet)

Along the lines also come "Ignorance is a bliss." But I 'm not going that line of thought now. The little learning that I learned made me think about a lot of questions that were left unanswered or if answered, it didn't satisfy my inquisitive mind. I totally didn't buy the whole EGW thing the minute I heard that she is considered as the modern prophet of the church. This got worse when I learned about a set date of second coming failed miserably. It's just like any other groups that try to put out these things and it blows back into their faces. I questioned how the church try to do this evangelism to draw people in but cannot keep the back door to keep them in. It didn't really make me hate the church but I withdrew. I still try to keep the healthy and other lifestyle that makes sense to me. Or if not, some are just out of habit. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing so otherwise. I dared not to dig deeper into it.

I still believe in God. It's a struggle to continue doing so inside or outside the church I grew up in though. I am not looking for another church but to find my own state of spirituality. My dilemma now is being a mom. This is another road to figure out. Part 2.

Voluntary or Self-Employed?

In my more than 3 decades of existence, I had never been employed enough to be registered in my country's social insurance. I just realized this today. I have to double check this but it seems that I first registered for it was because of my husband's business. I had a few months of employment before that but those were like a couple of summer job, and short term contracts. 

Why I ended up like this, I really don't know. I value my freedom to work too much that I ended up as a freelancer for life without social insurance? That I, instead, chose the more permanent ties with getting married early? Why? ? How can I make this work? Are there other people who took the same path like me? Yes. I know one. Definitely. Ogeez. I don't have enough kids to say that I've been busy as a married woman so what now? Ugh. Harsh reality. 

Almost too late for becoming employed. It's not really very appealing for me. My only way through this is invest, invest, invest. One day I might have enough courage to start my own business but for now, I will have to straighten up my social insurance and the likes. I am not familiar with how the Korean social insurance works so that is something that I have to look into. One thing for sure, their population is decreasing while that in my home country is still a healthy number. 

So going back to voluntary or self-employed. 

"Usually, this member was not yet employed or was never employed when he first registered with SSS. He first registered with SSS using the RS1 form, together with proof of his source of income as Self-Employed. His RS1 form was approved and stamped by SSS.

...professionals who are not employed by companies or other people. They earn their own income."

- (SSS blogsite )

I definitely fall under self-employed. (If my memory serves me right.) Now, if only that government website will work soon so I can check it myself without having to ask my mom there. It takes a looong time to get things done there. 

One of the downside of having my own time to work is not having an employer pay their share in my social insurance. I pay for all my own. Oh, well. Choices. 

Well, that's all right. I'll do my duties as a member without expecting a lot in return since their services suck. It's a good place to park a bit of dough anyway. I'll also look into another entity. 

Come to think of it, I am still blessed. My parents were wiser enough to have something going for me in spite of/while I have consistently refused to find a job in the government. 

Side note. I dreamed a creepy one last night about the lawn in my childhood house littered with poisonous-looking green snakes and of their old skin.  

Pensieve Sept

H had finally looked into welfare benefits today. He sent me to pick up the documents to apply but because of my meager-income generating gigs, he seems to say that we may not be qualified for such. Oh, yeah. It seems he's blaming me again. Saying that since I'm earning, I should be the one supporting the family. That it's my turn. That, since we're family, I should do that. I should help him. Help him what?? To be a bum?

If I would foot the bills, he totally won't be forced to find an income. Just like he did for more 7 years when we were living in my hometown, rent-free. He seemed to be satisfied to sell his stocks bit by bit for our living expenses. Yes, we managed to live like that for years when we were there. We scrimped and lived alright. But there what you call my own yearning for financial freedom. I want to be able to do and get some stuff which he won't/isn't willing to provide for so I have to get a couple of source of income. I am fine with that. But with a growing kid that I would like to be able to provide for better, and my own needs as well, I decided to convince them to be back here.

As expected, I am able to get a few jobs by God's grace and earning a bit. The sad thing is, my husband has none since we've been here for the last two years. A few months that he had a chance, he chose to quit. My BIL has been giving him chances a few times but he never really took the bait to work them out. I can totally hear his sigh of exasperation as I hear my own frustration. A few months ago, hubs had asked me to foot the bills. I had been covering the groceries since I started earning a bit so this is an additional one which I really feel I should refuse for the sake of my sanity. Why? If somebody covers the grocery, and foots the bills, I don't think he would get his butt off to find a source of income other that his depleting stocks-for-sale.

That was the straw. After a few emotional outbursts, and tortures, we sat down and I explained why I am not giving in to those bills. It got him a bit and even suggested a divorce. Oh right! You're playing right into my hands. But no..that's not my game. It's gonna be a lose-lose thing if we do now. There's another way if he'd only work on something. I pray.

He came up with selling his car in order to pay the bills. I said I cannot afford that. Then he decided to study for the civil service test that can get him a job if he pass. Thing is he needs money to buy the books to prepare for that. He offered to sell his car to me again in installment basis. I tried to weigh it out. He's got a job plan at least, and I'm using the car anyway, so I shelled out the 250. That's another tricky thing as the car ownership name will still be his since it has still some benefits if it remains so. I may lose out on this --- again. My son says I should just buy my own.
It's more complicated than that.

So he finally looks into government welfare. He has to submit all our bank accounts to do so and that would mean it will show that I am supposedly earning enough to support ourselves. Yeah, right. That can be possible but that's not what I want. I don't want to be the sole breadwinner. I am all for working women but I grew up seeing my father work his hands off to provide for us. My mom helps but it's still my dad who is the main provider. To see it otherwise now is totally frustrating. So I'm doing what I think I should so it will not stay this long.  And I get to be blamed for this now.

Emotional attack but I try to keep my head in check. I won't lose it. I just hope that he pass that test and get a job. Once he's in, my next is to prepare him when he is forced to retire from the government in just a couple of years. I just hope that he won't pass it on his son to be the breadwinner at that time coz P would still be underage by that time.

To let this all out, I just have to write it all.  And perhaps google for some info into this matter.
Wife breadwinner tips from huffington

3. If you’re angry or resentful, find a way to get to the bottom of it. You’ll want to figure out what’s behind your frustration. Is it that you think your husband should be doing more to find work or to get a higher-paying job? You’d like to work less feverishly but feel you have no choice because you and your spouse need the income? You believe your husband should do more to help out in other ways? You’re still harboring a grudge because you think he didn’t pull his weight on childcare duties when your kids were younger? Or might there be deeper marital issues at play?

One exercise Mellan suggests is writing out your feelings in a letter to your husband but not showing it to him. Then, imagine the note he’d write back with his point of view and write that one, too.

I'm ok about earning more. But not about earning alone.

“Convey a positive attitude and sense of teamwork showing that ‘we’re in this together,’”

Use a “mirroring” exercise to help couples have this discussion. Each plays back what the other says without editorial comment. This technique builds more empathy and compassion.

7. Break the tension by finding ways to have fun.
~~~
NY Mag 
Alpha Women, Beta Men

First, the wife starts to lose respect for her husband, then he begins to feel emasculated, and then sex dwindles to a full stop.

There's hope.

Immigration and Integration

Sarang Plus activity last Tuesday left me thinking again of what exactly is the purpose of that program. I do remember that it's basically geared toward the newcomers who has been here for not long enough to experience and learn some culture. This I appreciate since I never had much chance to join a lot when I first got here.

But then again, I felt some activities, if not most, left me thinking that if this is a way of integration, it sure failed me a bit. Why? I really don't feel comfortable on the way they handle lunch. More than twice that I felt that I am always will be a guest, an outsider. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that.

This made me search for programs other countries has for integrating immigrants. The best one that came to mind is Germany. It's a little hard to find English literature on the subject but this one got me reading a bit, Global Migration Research Paper by Zuzanna Hubschmann.

It was in the middle of the night that I woke up to run to the bathroom and couldn't go back to sleep that this thought really came to me. Something can be improved in this program. I wonder how other countries go about their integration programs? As usual, I wonder about things a lot.

Some notes that struck me.

"Moreover, migrants enter these programs with already existing networks and do not wait for the program to start integrating, finding jobs, apartments, meeting people. Surprisingly, the program does not provide any opportunity to connect with German nationals, except for the teacher. It gives no assistance in creating networks with locals, which is a key factor of integration. Thus, after completing half a year of integration courses, a migrant may be still be isolated from the German community, despite an increased feeling of attachment to the country."

"providing the migrants with greater opportunities to connect with Germans could improve the long-term outcomes of participating in such a program" p. 33

Good points for the Damuwha programs though is they got that part on the job thing and stuff.

"Apart from teaching basic German and creating an opportunity to meet other migrants, the program provides little assistance in a “real-life integration”: finding a job or learning how to do so, connecting with locals and migrant associations, learning how to participate in political and social life. Despite the program’s claim that the integration certificate will help in finding a job, the level of German acquired at the end of it is too low for most employers. Writing resumes, practicing interviews, assistance in translating migrant qualifications into the German market, educational opportunities available to migrants, could all be incorporated into the structure of the program. Currently, no such efforts are made and migrants are left to their own devices to find out where to go and what assistance is available."

Indicators:
Indicators of integration that measure its process and progress vary depending on a nation-state’s vision of what successful integration means. Among the most common indicators are labor market participation, language proficiency, socio-economic status, level of participation in public discourse and civil society, as well as cultural and religious practices.

This has been an interesting read. I would have to find another time to rearrange my thoughts on this matter and how Korea fares in immigration and integration. For now, I've got to prepare for the Korean 1-on-1 session later.

My conundrum is finding someone who is willing to talk and hang out with in Korean only. Who would not let me feel being talked down, who would not just lecture me about stuff but give me a chance to speak out. A well-trained language teacher is what I have in mind.

What's Taboo Topic Nowadays?

This will be another quick one as I was watching some youtube videos about processed food that includes ice cream, ketchup, or even waxed fruits and even water. Yes, apples may be natural but if it has gone through mass process...

This drove me to the ever-changing diet fads through the years: Atkins, Paleo, etc. It can be an interesting topic for small talk but because it can also be a dangerous one. So this brings me to common taboo topics like religion, politics, and now, maybe even diet?

Back to my stuff now...